Hi. I’m Biff Mitchell. I live at the very edge of civilization with a psychotic cat named Pico who tries to kill me by stuffing wads of paper into my ears while I sleep. Just before I croak, my paper mache fish, Betts, hollers and wakes me up. Somehow, surviving this each night makes me a better writer. I write mostly weird fiction, stuff about sentient laundromats, redneck brain cells, giant smart-ass spiders, and talking computer viruses.  

Weird stuff. 

Stuff like this: 

This is my most recent novel, The War Bug. It’s set 200 years in the future when the Internet is dominated by giant online city states. A war between the cities has all but destroyed the Net from Earth to Jupiter. Abner Hayes, a man who spends most of his life online, has just hours to find this wife and daughter (both of them virtual personalities that he, illegally, has made sentient) before the Net crashes and they die. His only ally is a deadly computer virus with a weird sense of humor.  

“It's rare that a novel can so thoroughly capture the mind, heart, and imagination. Biff Mitchell is a blessed breed of writer who mixes the real, surreal, and potentially real by fusing philosophy, science, human emotions, humor, and terror. And The War Bug is this writer at the top of his game.” Susan DiPlacido in Blue Iris Journal

For more on The War Bug, go to: tp://www.biffmitchell.com/The_War_Bug/the_war_bug.html

My second novel, Team Player, is based my years working in the most ridiculous industry on the planet, information technology. It’s about a man who discovers that the company he works for, the largest IT company in the world, has never actually produced anything. Hey, if you work in IT, that makes a lot of sense. By the end of the story, he ends up saving the universe with the help of 30 naked pagan women.

My second novel, Team Player, is based my years working in the most ridiculous industry on the planet, information technology. It’s about a man who discovers that the company he works for, the largest IT company in the world, has never actually produced anything. Hey, if you work in IT, that makes a lot of sense. By the end of the story, he ends up saving the universe with the help of 30 naked pagan women.

“Lovingly detailed, Mitchell uses a series of scenes, emails and vignettes to lead the reader spellbound and helpless with incredulous laughter. His characterization is deep, yet the book itself is easily read. Off-beat, darkly humorous and all-too-realistic, TEAM PLAYER is a truly great read.” Ann Leveille in The Best Reviews

Team Player was originally published by Jacobyte Books in Australia but will be re-published in the near future by Double Dragon Publishing. You can find out more about Team Player at: http://www.biffmitchell.com/Team_Player/team_player.html

My first novel, Heavy Load, is a quirky romance set in a laundromat on a Saturday morning. Two men and a woman, all with heavy loads of emotional baggage, form a circle of interest. They make a lot of eye contact, but they don’t say a word to each other during the entire story. However, each acts as a catalyst in the lives of the others to put them on the road to recovery. So how is this novel weird. Well, it’s narrated by the laundromat, a sentient building that goes into the bodies of its customers and relives their memories.

“It's not quite the fairytale it at first appears. Before the end of the first chapter, there's a change in mood, a hint of something dark and threatening, as the Washing Green reveals that, not only is it aware of everything that goes on inside its four walls, but it can also read human minds. In case we should tire of the novelty of the non-human narration, the author avoids revealing his hand all in one go, keeping back little titbits, so that each chapter becomes a mini-cliffhanger. That's what makes this a real page-turner.”  Deborah Fisher in Tregolwyn Reviews

Heavy Load is available at eBookAd and CyberRead:
http://www.biffmitchell.com/Heavy_Load/heavy_load.html 

The Baton is a novella about the ultimate “I’m not taking it anymore” scenario. This one deals with the social phenomena called “assholes” and how they diminish the value of life. It contains extreme violence and even more extreme language. Not to be read aloud in front of your cat, especially if it already has homicidal tendencies.

The Baton was published by Echelon Press as a Dollar Download ebook. It looks like the short read for the low price is catching on this time.

“Biff Mitchell has written another satisfying short tale that makes you look at life a little differently than you did before you started reading. There’s a touch of Joe Lansdale in this one and in his previous Smoke Break. Give him a try, after all, a dollar won’t go far but it can buy you some entertainment.” Barry Hunter in Baryon Online

If you’re not afraid to be bitten by angry words, check The Baton at:

http://www.biffmitchell.com/The_Baton/the_baton.html

Imagine being confronted by a creature so terrifying that you could almost (as one critic put it) “pee myself.” That’s what happens in Smoke Break. But the creature starts talking and probing and taunting and, hideous or not, you become obsessively drawn toward it.

This one was also published by Echelon Press as a Dollar Download ebook.

“It's an anti-philosophical book that makes you wonder through wry, bitter laughter, why the hell anyone does anything, only to realize that wondering why is the most pointless endeavour of all.” Ian Blechschmidt in Imprint Online

Pee yourself at: http://www.biffmitchell.com/Smoke_Break/smoke_break.html

I’ve written over 200 poems. Most of them are terrible. The rest are less terrible. The less terrible ones are published in Gawdawful Poems. I put this together myself. The legs on the cover are mine. I’ve been told they look like girlie legs. People who say this about my legs suck.

“In Gawdawful Poems, Biff Mitchell shows his manly legs at their best. If all men’s legs looked like this, there would be no war and women around the world would close their eyes and smile.” Professional Leg Expert in Manly Legs Monthly

Try something gawdawful today from:
http://www.biffmitchell.com/Free_Books/free_books.html

Or, get the PDA version at: http://www.memoware.com/mw.cgi/mw.cgi?screen=browse